CUFF OFF

I have often thought of myself as an agent of change. I believe it, and so, in my reality, that’s what I am.
Believe.
If we believe it to be true, it is.
This can get pretty delusional, pretty damn quick, lol. But ride the wave for a second. Keep a good middle ground in your head, stay away from extremes, and believe something to be true about yourself.
Now, let’s push this to the extreme a little bit.
Let’s say, what we’ve believed to be true becomes something we absolutely need, because we believe we need it.
So, this new truth becomes a need, a must have. Maybe even a beyond-truth. Maybe that’s unimportant.

I wanna drop into feelings now, but I’ll come back to needs, and whether they’re believed by us to be true or “real” we’ll discard because they mean the same thing.

So, what got me thinking about love, like THINKing about it instead of *feeling* it, was a conversation I had with a stranger today. We were talking about cat litter, lol, and I brought up my cats’ needs for litter (they’ve got the sensitive skin). This stranger says, “sounds like the cats have the upper hand in your relationship.”

How absurd.

My cats have the basic needs of super clean litter boxes because their bodies are sensitive to sharing the space with each other. Isn’t a relationship with any animal (we’re including humans under the
animal umbrella) about meeting the basic needs of each other? So, now, I love my cats. So, then, wouldn’t I want to do everything in my power to make their lives as special and wonderful as I can? How is that my cats having the upper hand? Let’s remember, I love them. I understand that they are cats, and I understood what they have to offer before I decided to bring them home. Can you feel me getting mad rn? I’m mad at this dude all over again, lol.

Ok, so let’s jump to romantic love. Our basic needs must be met. What are those for you? And I’m not talking about making some arbitrary checklist for the “perfect soul mate”. I’m not talking about what you need from someone else. What the fuck do YOU need? I need an hour before I leave the house to get my brain ready for people, lol. I need entire days alone. If my stomach is upset, I need to watch crappy movies. Those are the facts. If you become hardcore about fulfilling your own needs, you’ll eventually get that dream relationship you *thought* you could contain within a list. Cuz let’s be real, it’s not about having shit in common. It’s about finding the same type of creature.

But

Let’s say, hey, it’s cuffing season and your heart is particularly tender. You go on a date. This person is pretty cool. You start spending time together. You sacrifice a need here and there.

Back to belief!

Sacrificing your needs can unlatch these beliefs you had in yourself. (I will clarify, also, that I’m talking about soul-level beliefs. I’m not talking about ego beliefs like you have to have your coffee a certain way every day or life is over. Like, get a grip, lol. I mean, obvi if you have allergies, ok bad example. Hopefully you get where I’m going bc I have no more examples, lol). By not taking care of your basic needs, you diminish the belief you have in yourself. That’s why self-care has become a booming new business. It’s not because bath bombs open up a gateway to your soul, although it feels like it is, lol. It’s because you needed that time for yourself. You needed to feel good!

So

I think love is meeting needs, for whoever. People might jump and say, going above and beyond needs! But like, don’t wear yourself out lol. Meeting needs is great because you’re just being your best version of self, so, how can you even DO more?

So, I guess I wrote this to be like, “don’t let cuffing season let you diminish the belief you have in yourself.”